I sort of fucked up my degree and fell into the Law
Martin 59. Married. Three children. Lawyer. Lives in London.
How are you?
My usual response is good these days and I mean it. I think I'm probably in the best place I've been in for a long, long time. It’s partly because of the pandemic. It’s changed my perspective on my work/family life. It made me realise what my wife has always told me, that I spend too much time worrying about my work.
Being away from the office has shown me that you don't need to be there at all and I can balance things quite well. Before I’d see the two things as separate because I was in separate places with very different atmospheres. Now the two have merged.
I’ve enjoyed that my whole family has been living at home for the passed year. I never thought we'd have that again as two of my children have now finished University. I thought that time had gone. I've discovered cooking which has given me a purpose. It's also been quite creative and I have an appreciative audience, which helps! We got a dog too. I’ve been surprised how much I've enjoyed that.
In a bigger sense I’ve spent the last year and a half finding out more about who I am. That has been a really positive experience. I’ve been learning about myself, my past and why I am like I am. I’m becoming more self aware. I’d never really thought why I’m like I am before. Or who I am, but when you start thinking about what's happened to you throughout your life, you start to realise you've carried things from an earlier age and now I am addressing those things. I’m not embarrassed but I'm slightly sad that it's taken me this long to work that out. On the other hand some people never work it out.
As a child I remember, we never went out for meals. I don't ever remember going on day trips. We were short of money all the time. When we did go on holiday, we used to take a spare suitcase filled with corned beef, pork luncheon meat and Ribena so we didn't have to spend money on going out. I think that’s why I’ve always made a big thing about going on holiday with my family. Looking back I think I was trying to recreate something. It’s been cathartic to understand myself a bit better.
Do you advocate therapy as a good thing? I mean, yes. In my experience you need to find the right person and you need to be ready for it. I should have had therapy when my dad died. I should have had someone to talk to. Once he died, after the funeral, it wasn’t mentioned. It wasn’t forgotten, just not talked about. I got on with life with this huge void. Therapy is a good thing.