The Blog

I can't bare to look at myself naked

Sheila 49 married. She lives in London with her three children and works part time in admin. 

How are you?

I’m sore due to a fall. I’ve bruised my dignity. I ask myself sometimes-  is this it? Is this the start of the physical decline? I’m tired. I’m emotionally tired. I don’t sleep well, I seem to wake around 5.30am. It’s hard dealing with three kids on my own. 

How do other people see you?

Busy. Permanently - slightly late. Frazzled, trying to deal with too many things at the same time. Aloof and stand offish.

Where does all your energy go?

Worrying. Sometimes I’m so busy seeing all the potential pitfalls and problems I stop myself doing things. It's the “What if” attitude. My worrying spills over into everything. 

How do you feel about body image?

I’m a bit cross with myself for not having body confidence anymore. My body has changed so much since having children. I have become wary of putting loads of weight on round my middle; the bit of me I thought was fab has now gone. I can't bare to look at myself naked. I’m horrified that it's disintegrated so badly. (it hasn't) I’ve been so busy submerging myself into the kids that I’ve ignored myself.

How do you best express yourself?

I’m a good singer. I love singing but also through movement and dance.  And of course screaming at the kids! 

How do you feel about children?

I like having my children. They are often a pain in the arse but I do get a sense of joy from them that would be hard to replicate elsewhere. I am very proud of them, they are a part of me.

What’s your most memorable experience?

I used to work at Sky as a reporter. I was 28. One day I was on the front line and had to do a live broadcast, someone hadn't turned up -  I was petrified. The cameras and crew were all there. Suddenly I was pushed in front of the camera and it was live, I had no choice but to do it. I was furious at being pushed;  shocked and scared but after I’d done it I had a huge sense of pride and achievement. 

Who or what inspires you?

People that can do something incredibly well and have the dedication to keep going. I’m glad there are geniuses in the world to inspire us but I wouldn't want to be one.

What is life to you?

What is the point? We all end up as stardust which can be depressing or inspiring. Nothing really matters. If you contemplate the pointlessness of existing you could easily go mad. Try to have a good life, take responsibility to try and leave things a bit better than when you started out. Revel in the glories of the world.