The Blog

keeping those bitchy thoughts in my head!

Lesley 51 married with two children, housewife from London.

How are you?

I am at a hiatus in my life, what to do next?

Looking back I’ve spent the first third of my life up to University. The second third; my working life that I left when my kids were little, and the last third bringing up the kids. There’s a gap in my life at the moment and it’s affected my confidence. Sometimes being a mum at home all day can make you feel worthless.

I’m very good at knowing what I don’t want. I think it would be nice to get a part time job working in a office. I think I need human interaction - it’s good to get out.

How do you feel about the weather?

My whole outfit is determined by the weather.

What do you think about kids?

I didn't think I’d have any. I never had the maternal clock but I’m really glad I did.

What do you think about marriage?

It’s a long haul! It’s good for the family framework. Life is all about family. I didn't want to get married either. It’s nice to have someone to have fun with and to moan to!

How do you think other people see you?

I have no idea. People don’t warm to me. I can be a bit reserved and people see it as a bit standoffish. I’m quite shy at times and need a drink or two to loosen up.

What brings you down?

I’m quite an even tempered person really so not a lot brings me down. I think lack of money probably does, when I can’t do what I want to.

What are your dreams?

I’d liked a year of fun; seeing friends, going to exhibitions and the theatre. I’d like an adventure. 

How do you see yourself?

As the person at home, a mother, someone whose vaguely interested. I have nothing much to say - I’m a quiet person. I over think things. I have a lot of conversations in my head. My lack of confidence and self esteem are constant.

Where does all your energy go?

Sorting out family life. I actively waste a lot of time. I enjoy watching telly and I sleep a lot. I run too. I’m in bed by 10pm and up by 7am. I like my quiet life, I’ve never been someone who wants to achieve something by a certain age and therefore I’ve settled for things.

How do you best express yourself?

In the way I present myself, in the way I dress and by being a good friend. And keeping those bitchy thoughts in my head! 

Who or what inspires you?

My friends inspire me and my children make me a better person.

How do you feel about body image?

I have a bad body image. I hope I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. There was this one time I was trying on a pair of boot in Kurt Geiger and I had to be cut out of them - I’d got stuck! There I was with a twenty year old assistant; I was so hot with embarrassment. That’s not good for your self esteem!

What do you think about faith?

I grew up with church, then there were the wilderness years, the children have brought us back to it. There is a sense of family and community and that’s really important. I have private chats with God. 

What’s your most memorable experience?

In 1992 my mum died, she was fifty-four. It was only six months from diagnosis to her death. I was twenty-nine.  

What do you think about life?

I think you have to try and make the best of it and have fun along the way. The positives out way the negatives.

What do you think about death?

It frightens me to death! 

What would you like to leave for the next generation?

I have instilled good values in my children, they will know how to bring up good individuals too.

Are you free?

I am not as free as I would like to be. My choices are limited by my budget but I having said that I don’t have to answer to anyone.