The Blog

We are very similar except she’s a vegan feminist

Adam 50, from Blackburn Lancashire. Married with 2 children. Graphic designer and websites builder.

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How are you?

Being made redundant changed me, you have to re-evaluate what’s important. I went from earning half decent money to nothing over night and I went into a mad panic. But quite quickly I got a few clients and things are ok now.

I’ve never been money oriented, it doesn’t bother me. There’s more important things in life. As long as I can pay my bills and go on holiday then I’m happy. I am happy with my lot.

I’ve noticed people look down on you because you don’t have what they have. I don’t give a shit how much money anyone has I will treat you the same as you treat me rich or poor, makes no difference to me.

How do you see yourself?

I’m Northern, full of good intentions. I think I am a nice guy. If you give me cause to be horrible I will be horrible. I’m not politically correct - I call a spade a spade. I like being centre of attention. I’m a loyal person.

I don’t like arguing with people because in my head I’m thinking ‘hit him, hit him’. If there’s a fight going off I tend to head towards it. It might be nothing to do with me but I see myself as a protector rather than a bully although I think I probably did some bullying in my time - it’s wasn’t always intentional.

I know I upset people sometimes, I don’t mean to but if I know I’m in the right I cant let it go. I’ll keep going until the end, even with my family. Me and my daughter butt heads quite a lot. We are very similar except she’s a vegan feminist. (Laughing)

How do other people see you?

People think I’m a bricky or a plumber not that there is anything wrong with that, not a web developer which always throws them.

Somebody I once knew said “Every time I see you you’re always fighting”, I don’t go looking for trouble it just seems to find me. I think I must have one of those faces that people don’t like.

When I was younger I got into a few scrapes that I probably shouldn’t have. I don’t believe you should regret anything although maybe the people I beat up would disagree but that’s their problem. It’s all character building but doing Marshall Arts has taught me to be more respectful.

Some people think I’m arrogant but I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t give a shit. I only care what the people close to me think. My wife has to reign me in occasionally. Every now and then she’ll say ‘reign it in knob head’. I wont change for anyone, except my family.

What’s your most memorable experience?

Two opposite ends of the spectrum, watching both of my children being born are days I will never forget. Scared and excited at both for different reasons but at the other end was watching my Dad take his last breath peacefully, in a hospital bed. It gave me a good feeling knowing I was there and a sense of closure. Unlike when my Mum died, I was away on holiday it was a total shock and took me a while to get over it. She was only 56.

And of course my wedding day incase the Mrs reads this.

There’s another thing tho’ - I would like to know if I save this woman’s life. Years ago when I was a teenager I was waiter at an event. Some bloke asked me to check on his wife as she’d been gone a long time. I went into the lady’s toilet, she was locked in the cubicle. I climbed over the top of the door, me balls were killing me. She’d passed out on the toilet, knickers round her ankles and everything. I saw a piece of meat in the corner of her mouth, she’d obviously been choking. I pulled it out, pulled up her knickers then the ambulance arrived. I never knew what happened to her.

You don’t come across as a person who would have naturally done that?

I knew I was quite a caring person when I saw a girl crying at the school disco. I was about 12 or 13. I went over to her and put my arm around her - it was instinctive.

Do you think your awareness comes because of your home life?

My Mum was a functioning alcoholic. I didn’t know where I stood sometimes and the odd time she’d hit me. I didn’t bring my mates round because it was embarrassing. It might have accounted for some of my anger but there again it might not. I might just have been an angry kid. Having said all that I had a happy childhood.

With Mum we never knew where her mood was. One time I asked her if she’d let me off paying rent one week as I wanted to take this lass out. She said yes. Rent day came and she asked me why I hadn’t paid her - she hadn’t remembered the conversations. I was so mad, I threw all my wages at her and said have the lot. This led to a fight with my Dad, he swung for me and I punched him. I told him ‘don’t ever fuck with me again you’re too old and too slow’. Later, I apologised but he didn’t speak to me for about three months.

Who or what inspires you?

My mate who got blown up in Afghanistan. The weird thing was when he had his leaving do to go out there, his exact last words were ‘Don’t worry they’re not going to take my legs’ and that’s exactly what happened, he was blown to pieces.

He’s got no bottom half. I went to see him and thought ‘fuck me, how are you still alive?” It’s unbelievable - he’s lost everything. It was 7 years ago and I’ve never heard him whine, he always comes across as very strong. He’s a strong character. If it were me I’d still be in hospital crying. I went to see him soon after he woke up in hospital, he asked me what I was doing there as we weren’t that close. I said I was told there was going to be a shoe sale, he laughed and called me a knob head - although his mum didn’t see the funny side for quite a while.

What do you think about life?

God knows (laughing). The odd time I’ve done drugs I managed to suss out the planet. One night, high on whatever it was I’d taken, I wrote it all down. I woke up remembering I’d made complete sense of the world. But when I picked up the paper, I’d written five sheets of scribble in green crayon. I couldn’t decipher what I’d written. The answer to that is - don’t do drugs!

What’s your view on faith?

There isn’t any - it’s all a load of shit. If it makes you happy that you believe in an imaginary friend then fine, I have no problem with that. But no - I don’t have faith. I think there was probably a bloke called Jesus who went around doing a few magic tricks.

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