The Blog

people attribute a disability to a personality disorder

Sian 54. Married, no kids. Works for herself as a complimentary therapist.

How are you?

I am in quite a good phase of transition. I’ve just done a course and I’m filled with optimism and am looking forward to upgrading my life!

How do you feel about the weather?

The weather rules my life and my moods.

What do you think about marriage?

Name me someone who has a great life being married and someone who has a great life not being!

I had a lot of ambivalence with it. Was it the right thing to do? We had been together for eight years. I did what I said I would never do and told him if he didn't marry me I was leaving him. 

It was however wonderful to make a public commitment. 

What do you think about children?

I don’t have children but from what I see children are gorgeous, mothers are not! 

How do you see yourself?

What I am realising now after much “self help” is, I’m getting to know about myself and understanding my fears. I really like myself. I am seeing more positive aspects of myself. 

How do you think other people see you?

Really strange and ugly. Anyone who likes me is an absolutely wonderful person. I have achromastism which basically means I am colour blind, I have to wear different glasses depending on the light. In fact there’s a liberation for me; from October through to February I only have to wear one pair pf glasses as the light is fairly dull at that time of year. I am so hyper sensitive that it’s taken me years to learn how to laugh at the bullying.

What brings you down?

My eye sight. It gets me down because I can’t do what I want. I don’t have freedom. I have to plan and prepare for everything. For many years I thought this eye sight thing wasn't part of me. It’s amazing how other people attribute a disability to a personality disorder.

How do you best express yourself?

I express myself verbally but am not happy with my communications skills, they don’t express me fully. 

What are your dreams and desires?

My passion is cars. I love them, sadly I can't drive them  but I’ve always found them fascinating. 

What’s your most memorable experience?

Dumping me in a boarding school was worse than dumping me in the street. 

How do you feel about life?

I am a bit ambivalent. I want to be a seizer of the day but I’m a bit take or leave it. I don't think I value life as much as I should.

How do you feel about death?

You've just got to accept it, it’s coming!

What would you like to leave for the next generation?

For very new born to have loving parents who nurture them. We need to be more caring and less money oriented. If everyone looked out for everyone else then we'd be too busy caring and money wouldn't be a priority. 

Are you free?

NO!

What have you taken from today?

I’m not integrating my eye sight into my life, I see it as a separate thing.