The Blog

I’d like someone to take the responsibility.

Sue 51, from London. Married with two boys and works in research.

How are you?

I am hungover. I’m always 5 or 6 out of 10. I don’t have highs or lows. I’m usually fine. A couple of nights ago I found myself in floods of tears thinking I hate my life but I don’t really. 

What brings you down?

Feeling that there could be more to life and not doing anything about it. The mundaneness of life. The children have got me down but they've grown out of that now. I’m slightly envious of how other people do things, how they make their choices. There is a sense of regret. I question should I have bought my children up in London? Sent them to private school? Did I make the right career choices? I’m half thinking 'What if'  - how different things would be. I’m an indecisive person, I’d like someone to take on the responsibility. 

What’s your most memorable experience?

When I passed my driving test. It was my first truly elated feeling of achievement. 

What are your dreams?

I’d really like to be an artist, maybe in another life! When I left school I had a place at Leicester Poly to do art restoration - I didn't do it. I’m envious about other people doing art. I’d like to find out whether I’d enjoy it or not. I have a fear of failure but I am much more willing to change now but it's finding the 'thing' that's is hard - making a leap into a different environment. I’d like other people to make the decisions. I’d like to be married to a craftsman. I’m absolving responsibility really, I just want someone to do it for me. 

Where does all your energy go?

I’m not somebody who has a lot of energy - a lot goes into my work. I’m quite obsessive about getting it right. I spend a lot of time on the detail. I’m very particular about things that I write. 

How do you see yourself?

I’m a good person, I always see the positive in people. I don’t think anyone is a lesser person than me. In a quite a dull way I want to be nice and kind to people. I’m not a zipper de do da sort of person but I’m a nice person. I’m pleased that I’m not bothered about what people think of me. I used to be caught up in all that, but not now and I like that I've changed.

Who or what inspires you?

(She's laughing) Other peoples husbands who are boat builders. I have a fantasy partner and it's a man with skills! I’m inspired by people who work with their hands.

What do you think about life?

Society is too negative about life. Society is better now than it’s ever been, looking at the world from a historical view we’re just part of the process. We are becoming a better society and I’m glad to be a part of that. We are witnessing peoples lives improving all the time. 

What would you like to leave for the next generation.

When you feel down about things take the bigger picture view of your life and pass on that attitude.