The Blog

There is a massive part of me that is an irreverent bitch

Sasha 45, from London. Separated, she has two boys and teaches yoga. 

How are you?

I am at a crossroads. I’m about to sign divorce papers. I am hugely fearful of what’s out there. I could have him back or I could be free. Have I got the strength enough to make changes for the better? I take full responsibility for my part in this. I have spent a lot of time in and out of depression but I feel more empowered at the moment. There is a massive part of me that is an irreverent bitch and then sometimes I want to recoil and become a nun or go and live in an Ashram. 

How do you think other people see you?

Accommodating, but only so far. Impulsive, scatty, no on/off button. Chaotic, articulate. I say it as it is.

What is your dream?

I love fantasy. I just want to spend time and intimacy with someone who I really, really like. To be romantic with, no baggage to get in the way. I want to be with someone I can open my heart and soul to. I love to painfully put myself through things so I can really learn. I would like to live somewhere else. To have support and to get a dog. I want mud, chickens and goats. To be in nature, to connect with the grit of life.

What brings you down?

I hate not feeling responded to. When I put myself out there and I don’t get any response and I get paranoid, the self doubt and fear comes in. 

How do you see yourself?

I am like a massive ball of energy full of contradictions for everything I love, hate, do and don’t do. I feel other peoples faults are my own. I love that I can enjoy myself. I love laughing and dancing. I’m a bit lazy at following things through, I never do the detail and I hate instruction. 

How do you best express yourself?

Through dancing. I do the '5 Rhythms'. It's a movement meditation practise. I like to explore my femininity, that side of me really needs to be expressed by being sexual and romantic. I am definitely going through a sexual exploration with myself. 

Who or what inspires you?

Women inspire me. Their ability to live, laugh and love through adversity. Women make time to learn, men stop.

What do you think about life?

Life is exhausting and one day I wont be here and that send shivers down my body. Someday you’ll get to the point when you've had enough!

Are you free?

Yes my wings are free.

What have you taken from today?

Taking time to talk, share and listen and not to feel bad or silly about connecting. I want to work on my confidence and self esteem. I want to connect with my voice and have the courage to go beyond the stuck.