The Blog

I have too many dreams

Sally 47, from Lancashire. Divorced with 4 children. Works part time in a dress shop.

How are you?

It all depends on the day!

How do you feel about the weather?

The weather is a biggie. If I lived anywhere else it wouldn't be but we have such appalling weather where I live.

What do you think about children? 

They're wonderful; they're a marvellous tonic, pure unconditional love. They're innocent -  it’s beautiful to watch life through their eyes. 

How do you feel about marriage?

(She sighs) I don’t know what to think - I’m very confused. 

What brings you down?

The weather most certainly brings me down. Maybe we get more sensitive the older we get. Maybe I need more vitamin D. As people get older their traits become stronger. Sometimes having no money brings me down too. 

What are you dreams? 

All I wanted as a child was to be a mum but now I would have liked to have considered University so that I could have some financial independence. I didn't even explore it as an option. Time over again I would still have done the same thing though.

I have too many dreams. I would like to experience living on a commune - maybe it's just a fantasy. It might not be as pure and organic as I imagine it to be. I would take risks for myself but not with my children. I'd like to have a bolt hole in the sunshine, somewhere I can share with my family and friends - where I can escape from everyday life. 

I have a desire to go and work for a charity in a war zone area. I’d love to be able to give back and help. It must be quite rewarding. Maybe when all my kids have left home I might be able to do that. I’d like freedom to explore these ideas.

I like the idea of being a yoga instructor too. I’d like to teach the elderly yoga or Tai Chi in somewhere hot like Bali. I’d like a simple life with lots of earthy, organic, like minded people and no materialism. 

When I was younger I wanted to live in a hippie type of environment where you dig up your own veg, make jam and the hens produce freshly laid eggs each morning. I could have searched for a partner that could have given me that but it didn't happen. 

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

A sunny day, my children and my dog. It would be hard to get out of bed in the morning if I didn't have those things. 

How do you feel about chocolate?

OMG it’s an absolute must. Chocolate makes me smile, it makes me laugh -  I love chocolate. If I have a Double Decker I eat off the biscuit bit, then I'm left with the nougat. I roll it up into a swiss roll and put it all in my mouth - it tastes much better when you're mouth’s full -  it’s very satisfying. Then there’s the Toblerone - The big one! I put the whole triangle piece in my mouth - it’s uncomfortable but I like it! For me food is an effort but chocolate is pure pleasure!

Where does all your energy go? 

Into my mind. (laughing) I know my mind uses up an awful lot of my energy, that's one reason why I would like to get into yoga. But I am a hyperactive person, I burn lots of energy but I waste a lot too. If I did things slower I might conserve more. But I wouldn't change anything, I’m happy the way I am.

How do you see yourself?

Independent. I have quite a strong exterior and a melting sensitive interior. I know I am extremely loyal and honest. I’m very creative but don't work to my full potential and I would like to. I'm a good mum and family always comes first and it always will. I’m hard working but not a career women. I know I’m hard work! (laughing

What do you like about yourself?

I like myself, I always have. I’m a good person and I genuinely know I am a good person. I like my smile but I hate my teeth. I like my eyes but I wish my hair was curlier and thicker. I can eat like a pig and still be thin. I have the confidence to wear the clothes I like to wear. I really can’t complain. I am lucky I have a nice home with four healthy, gorgeous kids. I have been dealt a good hand of cards. 

How do you best express yourself?

My face gives away everything. I don’t really have a problem with being forward - it usually just blurts right out of me. I express myself through my clothes and I love to dance. I’m a speedy person, I rush everywhere. I don’t want to be like that but that’s how I live my life -  always rushing!

Who or what inspires you?

My sister - I don’t care what people think about me but I do care what she thinks. Creativity inspires me, it doesn't matter what it is, it could be pottery, candle making, art, making clothes - I love it all. I love going for a run in the countryside, that inspires me and going to my sisters house in London - there’s so much to see and do. Seeing other cultures and how people interact with each other - that’s inspirational. 

What do you think about life?

It’s all bit of a mess. You could just look at the flowers, plants, grasses and trees and think how beautiful and fantastic it is but it's the nurturing that's gone wrong. It’s too big a question for me to answer. Ultimately we are born, we have a life to live and we have to try and do that with the best of our capabilities. We should learn from each other, we should share more than we do. There is no perfect life, we all make mistakes and that's ok. But we have to grow from our mistakes and become better, wiser people. Too many people seem not to care or to learn. People seem only to take care of their own, people seem to have lost their caring values, self respect and morals. Respect for neighbours and our communities is low.

What do you think about death? 

Nothing can prepare you for it but possibly bereavement prepares you for death. I’m not frightened of death. I do think everyone has a time to arrive and a time to leave. When it’s my time I won’t fight it. Losing both my parents has had a huge impact on me. Once you become an orphan you have no one to rely on or lean on. I think the emotions come and go over several years and unfortunately loved ones around you have to go through that with you. 

What’s your most memorable experience? 

When I was a child we had a golden Labrador. We had to get rid or her because we were moving house and for some reason we weren’t allowed to take her with us. At our next house we inherited two cats, we had to get rid of them too - my sister was allergic! I kept pulling their fur out so I could keep a part of them. It’s very traumatising getting rid of pets - it made me feel very alone and lost. You confide in animals, you tell them what’s on your mind. I was very sad.

Are you free? 

Yes I am quite free!