The Blog

It was panic crying

Annie 31 single, from London. Works part time as a carer and part time as an actress.

How are you?

Exhausted and sleeping a lot. No matter how much I sleep I seem to need more. There are aches and pains; everything is sore at the moment. I’m getting my periods a lot and I shouldn't because I’m on the Pill. My body is so tight - I’m so exhausted to holding on! 

How do you see yourself?

Confident, strong, pro active. I make things happen. I’m not someone who sits back and waits for things to happen. I’m entertaining, funny and enthusiastic. I don’t give myself credit for what I do. I’m driven and focused. If there’s no goal I’m all over the place. I’m just about to do the London Marathon.

How do you think other people see you?

I’m not sure. I show myself to be quite different to what I actually am inside.

What are your dreams?

After my breakdown earlier this year it made me realise I want homely things. I want to nurture myself. I want to be out of London, living in the country with animals and a family -  building my career from home. I get excited about the future. I have realised that I don’t have to do everything. I never was 'in the moment' but now I try to be. I am a work in progress.

Where does all your energy go?

Worrying but I’m trying to change that. I’m an active worrier not a passive worrier. If I worry too much, I take action. It takes the edge off things.

What brings you down?

Worrying. Putting up walls; relationships and trying to find someone more fucked up than me! (laughing)

What’s your most memorable experience?

Last January I had a nervous breakdown, it completely took me over. I don’t normally cry but I cried and I cried. I was really scared. I felt so fucking terrible. It was panic crying, it didn't help but it was a release.

How do you best express yourself?

Through acting. Through my emotions and gesticulating. I talk to myself and I dance a lot.

What do you think about life?

It’s bloody hard work and it’s bloody wonderful. It’s best not to think about it too much or I’ll have a panic attack!

How have you felt about doing this today?

I realise that I do like somethings about myself and it’s highlighted that I have moved on a lot since January. I feel more content now.