The Blog

I was convinced I was going to be famous

Lucy 49 from London. Married with two teenage boys. Works full time in the film industry.

How are you?

Older, absolutely older. I’ve noticed how I look older now - the wrinkles are here and it's not good. I am marginally depressed by it! I’m soon to be fifty -  a marker in life -  another box to tick on the forms you fill in! I do feel middle aged, especially when I meet younger people. I went through a phase of, 'is this it?' Sometimes life is so busy you forget to question, is this it? There’s no point having regrets but there are things I wish I’d wanted to do when I was younger but didn’t. Like having a threesome, the situation never arose but it had been a passing thought - something that had occurred to me that I would have like to have tried.

What’s your most memorable experience?

When I was about twenty I was sitting on the roof of my Renault 5, I had Beethoven blaring out, it was Springtime. I was on my own, staring out at the fields of rapeseed. Everything was peaceful. I had gone there in a fury but watching the clouds and the sky, everything was just so peaceful - it’s that feeling when you're really aware that you're content and happy.

What are you dreams?

When I was young I was convinced I was going to be famous. I used to practise being interviewed by Parkinson in front of the mirror. I used to write and perform puppet shows. I went to University to do drama but lost my nerve. I really did think I would be a performer and set the world alight - I just didn't put in the effort. 

How do you see yourself?

Typically mediocre. It’s always fairly irritated me, not being really good at anything. I want to excel but I just haven’t. I'm very independent, my Mum hates that. She always wanted me to be reliant upon her but I wasn’t. Both my parents are unreliable. As I get older I'm getting crosser that I didn't have a better home growing up.

Who or what inspires you?

My life is 6.30am - 8.30pm, I have no time to be inspired!

How’s your health?

I feel all my elasticity has gone in the last six months; my eyes, my jaw and as for these jowls (grabbing her face), my skin's dry, everything's dry. I have no sex drive - I’m really changed. I’m slightly thinking - KY jelly!

What do you think about life?

At worst it’s something to get through, at best something to marvel at. The reality of life isn't something that's hit me hard. I’ve taken it for granted. What’s the point in it all? When you die, is it such a big deal? Whether it’s biological or spiritual, it’s quite extraordinary that we are here.