The Blog

Sometimes I don’t like the way he opens the curtains!

Amanda 46 married with two boys and lives in Scotland. Works four days a week.

How are you?

I’m a middle aged mother of two. A wife, a home keeper, a management consultant and knackered! My looks are going, my health is deteriorating, my hearings on it’s way out, my bum is lower than it used to be and wrinkles are appearing rapidly. But apart from that most days I appreciate my life and know how lucky I am. 

I’m along way on my journey. I can look back and see how things have shaped me. I can see what life is about up to this stage and it’s no picnic I can tell you - everyday is an endurance test but then somedays are fantastic. When I look at other peoples lives, I think 'Thank God for my life' things can change in an instant. 

What brings you down?

My kids quarrelling and the people on the PTA asking me to make stupid bloody kids costumes the night before they're needed! I’ve a predisposition to worrying, I worry about everything and even when there is nothing to worry about I’ll find something. My mind is a busy mind - one day I will be dead and my monkey mind will be put to rest! 

What are your dreams?

I’d just like some time - time to travel and to do what I want. I’d absolutely love to build a house from scratch. I know exactly what it would look like. I’d like to rent a beach house and have many weeks off work. I’d like £1,000 to spend just on me. Oh to be able to go into a shop and buy what ever I want. I’d like to play tennis, whip my body in to shape, do yoga and sort my mind out. I just need TIME! I know I’ve made my own choices and decisions. I’ve created this monster - I have to take responsibility for my actions but I don’t want to.

How do you see yourself?

I am a work in progress. Different on different days. Sometimes I’m an incredibly strong coper - other days I’m one step away from a mental institution. I am very self aware and I know things can change, they can get better or worse -  I’m living on a tightrope. 

How do you best express yourself?

Like a ranting mad woman. Definitely verbally - I have to get things off my chest. It keeps me from going insane. My head's too full, I have to empty it. I don’t have a creative outlet and I need one.

How do you feel about marriage?

There are the irritations. Sometimes I just don’t like the way he opens the curtains!

Are you free?

GOD NO! I'M TRAPPED!